I'm Just Going To Wear A Bathing Suit Everywhere For The Rest Of The Summer
Listen it’s like 95 degrees outside right now. Might be a little cooler, might be a little hotter depending on where you’re reading this from, but I’d like to make one thing very clear - you don’t have to change out of your bathing suit tonight when you decide you’re going to meet a few friends out at the bar.
If you have any common sense you’ll be next to some sort of body of water all day sipping coldies, and parlaying that pool or lake outing into a trip to the bar should be seamless. Don’t stop at home for a quick shower. Leave those trunks on and let everyone bask in your sunburnt skin.
The reason I’m advocating for the swimsuit at the bar is pretty straightforward. I was hotter than a rat stuck in a wool sock last night and it was primarily because I was wearing a pair of shorts and a pair of boxer briefs underneath said shorts.
I had a serious case of swamp ass, and I was dripping sweat from every pore of my body. I believe that the sweating began in my nether regions and slowly worked it’s way up to my torso and eventually my head.
The gel in my hair was running down the side of my face. My entire body was a pinkish-red hue that does not look good on anybody. I only consumed four, maybe five beers in total but because I was sweating so badly I looked more like I was an entire bottle of vodka deep.
I took one step outside of my air conditioned apartment and knew that the evening was pretty much over before it started. No one looks good in this kind of heat. It’s outrageous to ask me to put on anything other than a t shirt and shorts, and honestly even the shorts are a pretty ridiculous ask at this point.
The bathing suit solves this issue of swamp ass. It comes with a built in liner so you don’t have that extra layer with boxer briefs (or boxer shorts if you’re still 18 years old). Sidenote: seriously grow up if you’re still wearing boxer shorts. Get a pair of briefs, they’ll change your life. Adding to that, a bathing suit is made to dry quickly.
This means that even if you do get that dreaded swamp ass it’s not going to show on your trunks. I have a love hate relationship with the built in liner on swim trunks, but I can deal with it when the other option is adding an additional layer with the boxer brief. Highly recommend purchasing a pair of Patagonia baggies. They look great at the beach or the pool AND at the bar. Enjoy the day, rant over. Don’t let anyone shame you for wearing a bathing suit to the bar tonight.