Equinox Gym Has Successfully Seduced Me With Kiehl's Products And Fancy Amenities
When I got an e-mail on Thursday afternoon telling me that I had been gifted a three day guest pass to Equinox fitness club, I scoffed. I’m a Planet Fitness guy by trade, a simple man with simple tastes. I like to go to the gym in the morning and spend no more time than is absolutely necessary inside. I’m weary of free promotions much like an old timer is - I always feel like I’m about to get duped, and surely ( I thought to myself) this was some clever marketing ploy to get me inside and talking to a Equinox rep.
I knew what this three day guest pass really was - a thinly veiled sales pitch to lure me into purchasing a year long membership. Foolishly I thought that a guest pass to an upscale fitness club like Equinox wouldn’t be all that different from the crummy Planet Fitness that I usually frequent.
Obviously I knew that it would be nicer and more upscale than a Planet Fitness - your dad’s makeshift free weights only gym inside of the garage in the backyard is on equal footing with a PF - but just how nice it really was didn’t quite hit me until I showed up the next morning.
It’s 6:00 a.m. and I’m greeted with a warm smile and an offer to tour the Equinox facility with a guide. I decline, and I mosey my way up two flights of stairs to the locker room where I change into gym shorts and a ratty Duke basketball t-shirt. I enter the second floor cardio area, where I run one mile just to get my blood pumping.
Next to the treadmills is a small refrigerator filled to the brim with rolled up eucalyptus infused towels. I take two, using one on my arms and legs and then another to dab my face with. I throw both into a towel bin, and then I take yet another and make my up to the third floor where there are free weights and machines.
I complete a back and shoulders routine in just under 45 minutes, marveling at the clientele around me. There are hot girls doing squats, rich older women subtly hitting on their male trainers, and a couple of bros drinking pre-workout while they bench press.
Unlike at Planet Fitness, there are enough weights for everyone here. The third floor weight room is crowded, but everyone there is doing their thing without having to interrupt someone else with the obligatory “You mind if I work in here?” or “Hey man, how many more sets you got on this?”
With the eucalyptus on my towel wearing off, I find another mini fridge on the third floor next to the drinking fountain and grab a new one, making my way to the sauna to decompress for twenty minutes.
Inside the sauna I close my eyes and wait for my fingers to prune up. I can only handle fifteen minutes before I’m ready to get the hell out of there, so I get into a shower begin rinsing off. Up until this point, I was impressed with the gym.
I loved the fact that I could get into a sauna after my workout, but when I stepped into that shower and noticed that they had Kiehl’s shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and face wash I nearly got an erection. The difference between Equinox and Planet Fitness was stark, and as I walked out of that shower smelling of calendula flowers and grapefruit, I felt like a fool to think that I would be able to resist the charm of a high end gym like this. Anything that the locker had to offer I took advantage of.
I didn’t have to shave that morning, but since Equinox had free razors and shaving cream I did anyways. I don’t normally use mouthwash, but they had that too so I rinsed my mouth out. I used two towels to dry myself off, and then I moisturized my body with some Kiehl’s lotion that they had next to the blow dryers. After putting on my standard office outfit - khakis and a button down - I made my back down to the lobby, where I got myself an acai smoothie and chatted the receptionist up about my experience.
I’ve got two days left on my guest pass and I really don’t see how I can ever go back to Planet Fitness again. I’ve tasted the forbidden fruit. The Kiehl’s products, eucalyptus towels, and spa are all so nice. I walked out of that gym feeling invigorated. When I leave Planet Fitness all I want to do is go home and take a shower, which by the way does not have Kiehl’s products inside of it. Equinox has its claws in me and I’m afraid I like it.