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A hearty "Jambo!" to you.

These are my musings and recommendations. I write about everything. Enjoy your stay.

I Don't Know How To Put This, But I Want My Apartment To Smell Like Nothing

I Don't Know How To Put This, But I Want My Apartment To Smell Like Nothing

This is going to be a tough column for me to write because it’s extremely difficult to put into words exactly what I’m dealing with here. My current apartment has a smell to it that is neither good nor bad. It is not offensive but it isn’t welcoming either. It’s something born out of, well, I don’t know where.

To start, I have an extremely sensitive nose. I pick up scents like a basset hound and even the most miniscule of odors will pop up on my radar. I don’t mean for that to sound like a brag because if anything it’s a burden.

I’d kill to have a nose that only smells the most pungent stuff in it’s immediate vicinity, but I can’t desensitize myself so here is the situation - I live in an apartment with wood floors. I’ve got a large rug in my living room that I vacuum two to three times per week, along with the rest of the apartment, so automatically that is out as the culprit of the smell.

I moved in two months ago to a completely clean place. In fact it was deep cleaned and repainted. The refrigerator was spotless, every nook and cranny mopped, swept, and dusted. But this was when it was warm outside, and I was rocking with the windows open for a lot of the time. On days that I did decide to throw on the A/C, nothing smelled out of the ordinary.

I know that all homes have a smell. I can remember as a little kid going over to various friends homes - all of them had a different smell. Some reaked of kitty litter, some were almost too sterile, and some smelled like, well, nothing. I’ve always contended that I had one of those homes as a youth. My house did not smell like anything really other than whatever it is that my mother or father was cooking in the kitchen, and even that would dissipate after a few hours. What I’m aiming for with my new apartment is precisely that - I want it to smell like nothing. I don’t want a manufactured candle scent, I don’t want a Febreze plug-in making my place smell like the bathroom at my office, and I certainly don’t want it smelling like it does currently.

We all have our own scent that we carry around with us. I know this because, well, I’ve lived a life. Everyone’s clothes have a scent. It doesn’t matter what kind of laundry detergent or dryer sheet you use, those clothes eventually go back to smelling like you after they are taken out of the drier. As the great Bagger Vance once (sort of) said - “Inside each and every one of us is our one, true authentic smell. Something we was born with. Something that's ours and ours alone. Something that can't be learned... something that's got to be remembered.”

You furniture, your linens, your towels, etcetera and so on. It’s all got your true, authentic scent on it. This is why you hear girls talking about their boyfriends sweatshirts all of the time. They like them because they’re oversized and cozy, yes, but they also wear them because they smell like their boyfriend.

I’ve had my air filters for the HVAC system in my apartment changed twice. I’ve done the classic “open all of the windows for a day while I’m at work” move to no avail. I’ve cleaned the joint up and down, and still, I walk into my place and I’m just not satisfied with the scent. I apologize for the vagueness, but I want it to smell like nothing, and right now it smells like something. I just have no idea what it is. Can anyone relate or have I gone completely off of the reservation here?

On Sunday It's Imperative That You Fight The Urge To Take A Nap

On Sunday It's Imperative That You Fight The Urge To Take A Nap

Sushi Is Fucking Delicious But It Isn't Filling In The Slightest

Sushi Is Fucking Delicious But It Isn't Filling In The Slightest