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A hearty "Jambo!" to you.

These are my musings and recommendations. I write about everything. Enjoy your stay.

It's Officially "You Can Come Over Here But I'm Not Going Anywhere" Season

It's Officially "You Can Come Over Here But I'm Not Going Anywhere" Season

It’s quite simple really. This is a game of chicken that we’re talking about right now. It’s a chance for you to test just how far you’re willing to extend a texting conversation before you have to concede defeat. In this scenario we have two friends texting one another. One of the two started the conversation out by asking something along the lines of the following -

“What’s the move tonight?”

It’s Friday or Saturday and boy oh boy is it cold outside. You look out the window and it just looks fucking frigid. The thought of taking those sweatpants off and having to put a pair of jeans on just seems like a lot of work right now.

But you can’t just text your friend back and say “I’m not doing a thing tonight.” You have to play the game. I don’t know why this is the way that things are but it is. No one will come right out and tell a friend who is looking to go to the bar that they aren’t interested. You have to entertain the idea with them for a few texts before bailing.

This sort of texting conversation always goes the same way. You, the uninterested party, will ask who is going to go to the bar. The other party will tell you that they’ve talked to a few people that seem interested. You’ll then reply that you’d be down to go out to a bar somewhere close to your apartment, knowing full well that you’re not leaving the couch this evening.

And then plans start to get a little more concrete. Your buddy says that he’s getting changed and this is when you drop the line that seals your fate indoors for the rest of the evening.

“You can come over here to pregame a little bit but I don’t think I’m going out tonight.”

You could probably blame this non-committal, wishy-washy attitude on me being a millennial. All of my friends do this shit. Is it selfish to have your friends come to you rather than meet them out? Eh, a little. But it’s fucking cold outside. Can you really blame me?

In my opinion this is the best of both worlds. You get to throw a few back with your friend, you don’t have to leave your apartment or get changed, and they leave at a reasonable hour to go to that bar they were talking about going to.

I know I’ve got some readers that live in the Southern U.S. and to those people I have one thing to say - kindly go fuck yourselves. Not really, I mean I love you guys but I’m jealous is all. The weather up here in the midwest truly plays a factor in what sort of social events you’re willing to attend. Right now the wind is biting. It’s not snowing just yet but soon it will be, and you can be sure that I’ll be inviting many people over to my apartment under the guise that maybe I’ll go out once I have a few drinks. The reality is I’ll have them over, they’ll have a drink or two and then be on their way, leaving me on my couch in sweats with a red wine stain on my shirt that I’m unwilling to take care of.

The "Microwave Your Turkey" Text Is The Worst Thing To Happen To The Internet Since Harambe

The "Microwave Your Turkey" Text Is The Worst Thing To Happen To The Internet Since Harambe

A Letter To The Sniveling,Yapping King Charles Spaniel That Lives Below Me And Never Stops Barking

A Letter To The Sniveling,Yapping King Charles Spaniel That Lives Below Me And Never Stops Barking