Your How-To Guide On Gaining Access To A Pool This Summer
Imagine for a moment that it isn’t a weekday and you’re waking up on Saturday morning with a mild hangover. You went out last night and had a few pops, but it never got out of hand and three Advil is all it’s going to take this morning to get you back to 100%. A round of golf doesn’t sound all that appealing and the beach, although wonderful, feels like far too much work.
You need a low effort activity today and a high-rise apartment pool day is sounding better by the minute. The problem is you don’t have a pool at your apartment. You’re not Daddy Warbucks, you’re a low or mid-level associate making 40-50k a year who struggles to set up dentist appointments. If you want to swim today, you’re going to have to get creative. Here are the three easiest ways to get yourself into a nice pool without being asked to leave by security.
Listen I know that a lot of people are going to call me a peasant for even including public pools on this list. But they aren’t all bad and some are hidden gems that don’t get frequented by annoying kids and their babysitters. If you’ve got a big enough college campus near your place, you can usually get into their outdoor facility for five to ten bucks and jump off of the platforms that they use for competitive diving.
I’m not telling you to go to one of those parks with a bunch of slides and the giant plastic mushrooms that rain water down on you in the shallow end. Find one on google maps near your place that has one lifeguard on duty and are inhabited by precisely two elderly people doing water aerobics. You’re not going to be able to turn up at a public pool, but no one is going to stop you if you want to bring a YETI tumbler with some vodka, seltzer, a lemon wedge, and some ice.
Phone A Friend
Obviously this is the easiest way to take a dip. We all have friends who are doing way better than us financially speaking, and most of these people have access to a rooftop or ground level pool at their apartment complex. They might even own a house with a place to take a dip in the backyard (although if it’s one of those above ground pools just forget about it - those things suck).
This option only becomes difficult when you begin to find yourself only calling this particular friend on really hot Saturday mornings. You don’t want to seem like you’re using someone for their pool, so make sure you invite them out for happy hour or something once or twice a month. Don’t invite yourself over too much, but also don’t feel guilty about it. Bring a six pack and your own towel and you’ll be good to go. They pony up the extra money for pool access every month for a reason and that thing needs to get used.
I used to live next to this high rise building with an infinity pool that looked out at a Hooters and a Whataburger. Really gorgeous stuff. The building was occupied by the well to do, but through a chance encounter at a bar, I met a guy who gave up the keypad code to the door which leads to the pool. Getting past the front desk is always the most difficult part of sneaking into a pool at a very nice apartment complex.
What you have to do is act like you belong there. Don’t roll into the lobby wearing your bathing suit and a pair of flip flops. Wear clothing that you would wear to run errands and toss your bathing suit, beers, and anything else you’d need for a pool day in a laundry bag. Give a “sup” head nod to whoever is at the front desk, head straight for the bank of elevators, and change into your trunks when you get to the pool deck. You’ll feel like Danny Ocean whenever you get away with it, and if security comes over to where you’re sun bathing and asks who you are, just say the Smiths let you in. Most common last name in the world and there’s bound to be a resident there who is named that.