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Why Does Everyone On The Internet Hate Milk All Of A Sudden?

Why Does Everyone On The Internet Hate Milk All Of A Sudden?

I try not to get riled up when I log onto Twitter. It’s the virtual version of a massive garbage dump, a place where idiots, scholars, politicians, celebrities, and anyone with an internet connection goes to whine and moan about everything under the sun.

If you’re not careful, it’s very easy to find yourself rolling around in the mud with a complete stranger over something as meaningless as what color a dress is or whether or not what Kanye West is tweeting regarding our president is performance art.

I don’t get easily excited and I don’t get into a lot of spats. I’m too old - too grizzled from years as a user of Twitter to know that no one really wins in an internet argument. But there are occasions when I need to speak my mind, and tweets like the ones I am about to embed here in this blog are opinions that I simply cannot abide by. I’m offended, appalled, and disgusted.

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I went ahead and just searched variations of “drinking milk”, “glass of milk”, “drink milk”, etc. on Twitter and these were just a handful of the negative milk tweets I saw. This disdain for milk has been going on for quite some time apparently and I’ve only just noticed it starting to gain traction. It seems as though all of Twitter is on this massive scheme to delegitimize milk through scathing one liners.

When it comes to milk (specifically the whole milk variety) I’ll put my war paint and go to bat for them all goddamn day. How millions of people could suddenly flip the script and not like milk is beyond me; it quite literally kept all of us alive as toddlers. I’ve been reading about the rise of fucking roach milk as a a healthy alternative to cow milk. It’s unbelievable. The only person I’ve got on my side right now is that psycho Howard Hughes -

Even popular culture has hopped on the hate train. Take <i>It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia</i> for example. Milk is the drink of choice for the creepy, perverted, and incredibly sweaty McPoyle family, clearly a jab at milk drinkers by head writers on the show.

The first thing any of us had as human beings on this Earth was a bottle full of milk, and now we’re out here slandering folks who like to enjoy a glass of Whole after a long day at work? Not on my watch. You can take your almond, soy, rice, and flax milks and stick them up your ass - I’m a whole milk boy through and through. 

Some prefer 2% and I can understand that if you’re watching your weight. Not everyone can be on the 24 hour whole milk diet like me. Skim is for someone who just wants a glass of water and I can’t in good conscious defend that, but I ask you again - what is so wrong or strange about pouring yourself a glass of milk? 

It’s no different than having a glass of orange juice and if you’re into whole milk, the creamy, thick liquid is as close as you can get to having a milkshake and everyone loves those. This needs to stop. As an internet collective, we need to focus our hate on something else because milk is not the enemy.

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