There's No Need For Coins In American Society Anymore
We live in an age where convenience is king. In the past few years we’ve gone almost completely paperless, and the realization that we’re wasting precious trees on paper is even starting to seep over into the professional world.
Offices all over the country are beginning to rethink whether or not they are interested in hard copy anymore, preferring instead to save money and trees by simply looking at documents on a screen. It’s my belief that once all of these people over 50 die off or fucking retire that office life is going to be much more pleasant, but that’s a blog for a different day. Back to the convenience thing.
I can pay for most things with my phone nowadays, and the ease with which I can do that is nice. It’s a comfort to know that on some occasions - say if I’m stepping out to grab a cup of coffee - I don’t need to bring anything but my phone to pay for it.
But that isn’t to say I don’t like carrying a wallet. There is something inherently masculine about getting a wallet out of your back pocket. I don’t have a George Costanza type deal, I have an insert to an actual wallet, and it holds my ID and a couple of cards and real paper money.
I still like to carry cash just to feel it in my hands. Cash is always good in an emergency situation. Yes, I know that statistically speaking, paper bills are dirtier than a lot of toilets but I don’t care. Using cash rather than swiping a card or using my phone keeps my spending in check a little bit.
Plus if it just so happens that I find myself in a bar or restaurant that is cash only, guess who doesn’t have to go to the in-house ATM that charges you four bucks to use it? Yours truly.
What I’m getting at here is that money is great. If there is one thing Republicans, Democrats, Progressives, etcetera can agree on it’s that money is inherently awesome. But I’ve come to the end of my rope with one form of money and I’m hoping I can at least show a few of you the light. Coins are awful.
If I’m out shopping and I’m using cash and the total comes out to like thirty dollars and eleven cents or some shit like that, I end up being Jingle Britches McGee for the rest of the afternoon. No one likes hanging out with a Jingle Britches. Coins sloshing around in my pocket making noise for the whole world to hear bothers me to no end.
In 2018 the only place we absolutely still need change for is laundromats. And that’s just quarters. It’s not like we need the dimes, nickels, or pennies to do that. No one needs a silver dollar. I'm not walking into saloons off of my steed and buying a shot of rail whiskey with a 50 cent piece. Seriously, why do have 50 cent pieces? And going along with that, why the fuck are we still wasting our time making dimes, nickels, and pennies? I read an article last year about how we'd save like 16 billion if we just stopped making pennies. What the hell are we doing here, people?
Think about things that people used to use coins for back in the 90s and early 2000s and then ask yourself if we’re still using coins for that same stuff today. Metered parking and toll roads come to mind.
Parking meters are still monitored by meter maids, and if you want to park in certain areas of a town or city you have to feed the meter with coins. Technology caught up to metered parking long ago and now I can use an app, plus I get the added bonus of not having to touch loose change. Smelling like nickels is not something any of us should be proud of. The same goes for toll roads. You can still use change at both, but I don’t think many people do. They either have digital passes or get photographed and send in the money they owe after the fact using a website.
I know suggesting that getting rid of all change sounds drastic, but we’re above that as a society now. Let’s keep the quarters (for the laundromats, obviously) and get rid of the rest of it. No one should have to walk around being called a Jingle Britches head ass in 2018. That shit is embarrassing.