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A hearty "Jambo!" to you.

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The Outfit Of Choice For Tailgating Bros In Each Pocket Of The Country

The Outfit Of Choice For Tailgating Bros In Each Pocket Of The Country

I'm feeling nostalgic this afternoon. For some odd reason I'm missing college today, and I thought now would be as good a time as ever to analyze the wardrobe choices for college-aged bros in every corner of this great nation of ours. Now I realize that not everyone is going to wear this exact outfit - these are just the stereotypical outfit that you'll find in each sector of the country. 

Nowadays we're all just wearing the same gameday polo that Adidas, Under Armour, or Nike puts out on the market because we're washed - but there was a time in the not so distant past when we all dressed like one of these people described below. 

Midwest

Outfit: Hoodie with your alma mater on it, Patagonia down vest, jeans, Nike Roshe Runs (or some variation of that)

It's Big Ten football, which means slow, methodical I-form, and having to listen to your jackass Michigan friends tell you that "this is their year." You're crushing Labatt Blue Lights, food that is very heavy in the carb department, and you're probably skipping the student section to watch inside of a far warmer tavern on campus. 

There’s nothing flashy about the midwest tailgating uniform. It’s practical, uncomplicated, and most importantly comfortable. If you’re in the midwest and tailgating, it’s more than likely at a Big Ten school, and the weather at these schools is as unpredictable as it gets. One moment it's 70 and sunny, the next it's freezing rain. You've got to dress for all manner of weather in the midwest, which is why no one is wearing anything that they care all that much about. 

South

Outfit: Sports jacket (either in Navy or your school’s primary color), striped tie (team colors obvi), khakis, Sperry docksiders

We’re in SEC country, which means that girls and boys dress up to get blackout drunk. I don’t understand why you people choose to wear a three hundred dollar blazer from Brooks Brothers to a fraternity party where it will no doubt get ruined, but that’s why I’m from the Midwest and you guys aren’t. 

You dress to impress at all times and for that I’ll always give respect. If it sounds like I’m jealous, it’s because I am. Ole Miss, Tennessee, ‘Bama, Death Valley - they all look like phenomenal places to tailgate, and I wouldn’t have minded getting dressed up like when I was in school, but I’d look way out of place doing it in Big Ten Country.  There’s no doubt that you look better than your Midwest brethren who are tailgating at Big Ten schools, and you probably didn’t pay for that blazer/khaki combo yourself, but the point remains- you guys look good, you probably feel good, and that in turn makes you play good. Oh, and lets not forget about the Southern Belles. The sundresses...my goodness. I'm also going to rope the ACC into the South, because although they play football out east, they dress similarly to the fine folks in the SEC. 

Southwest

Outfit: Wranglers, Columbia PFG adorned with college logo (tucked or no-tuck are both acceptable), cowboy boots

Welcome to the Big 12. You’ve got a Copenhagen outline in the back pocket of those light blue Wrangler’s, a bottle of Lonestar in your hand, and some mediocre football to sit back and watch for the next four months (unless you're a fan of Oklahoma, in which case Boomer goddamn Sooner). I don't know how Columbia PFG technical fishing shirts became the go-to shirt for South-westerners tailgating, but I personally love the look. Those shirts keep you relatively cool in comparison to the SEC-ers who insist on dressing like their ten year old nephew at a family wedding (I'm talking about the blue blazer/khaki combo again). 

East Coast

Outfit: LL Bean Signature Fisherman sweat, flannel-lined khakis, New Balance 990 MADE IN USA, uninterested scowl

You're either at an Ivy League school or some weird liberal arts college and you don't give a flying fuck about what your football team is doing on Saturday. You've already committed to seeing an ambient noise show at an off-campus house and you'll sit there with a PBR in your hand and make fun of the sheep who are glued to their television sets watching teenagers play a game.

West Coast

Outfit: Bathing suit, oversized t-shirt with school logo that you bought at a thrift shop, Birkenstocks

You might watch the game, you might not. One thing is for certain, though - you'll be drinking. There's probably a pool at your college house because of course there is, and everyone you're surrounded by is far more concerned about where the drug dealer is than whether or not the star wide receiver for the football team was indeed arrested for underage drinking the night prior. 

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