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A hearty "Jambo!" to you.

These are my musings and recommendations. I write about everything. Enjoy your stay.

If You're A Hot Person, It Takes Exactly One Viral Moment To Jumpstart Your Career

If You're A Hot Person, It Takes Exactly One Viral Moment To Jumpstart Your Career

This past Sunday night we as a nation sighed heavily. With the weekend completely in the rearview and NFL football ending for the evening on a double doink, we found ourselves staring down the barrel of our first full week back at work in 2019.

That first full week back in the office is a real son of a bitch if you’re not prepared for it, and I for one was thankful that the Golden Globes were on immediately following the Bears game. It’s easy television.

I can criticize rich celebrities for their horrible outfit choices while I eat Lay’s Salt and Vinegar chips (they are my favorite flavor potato chip, please do not get upset about it) from my couch. I missed all of the red carpet pre-show because this is the Golden Globes we’re talking about here, guys. Celebrities use Golden Globe awards as doorstops at their houses in Malibu.

This is the JV game. It’s the warm up before the Varsity takes the court and it allows everyone to get situated in their seats. The Golden Globes are simply illegitimate when you compare them to the prestige of the Academy Awards. I’m sorry but it’s the God’s honest truth. So I watched most of the show and as expected it was pretty lackluster.

Andy Sandberg and Sandra Oh had one of the worst monologues of all time and I went to bed dreading Monday per usual. And then FIJI water girl happened. Apparently she was trending throughout the red carpet pre show but I didn’t pick up on the story until the morning after. I love this girl. She just has it and I don’t even know what it is.

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Okay, I might have an idea as to why I love her. But this would never happen if some guy with half decent looks was walking the red carpet handing out FIJI’s to people. Remember “Hot Felon”?

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This guy was member of the fucking Crips and then his mugshot got posted on Facebook by a police department and it went viral. A few months later he inked a modeling contract and the rest is history. I’m not saying anything outlandish here that you’ve never heard before. Hot people get special treatment. They get opportunities that others don’t. I just find it all very maddening.

Kelleth here has gone from struggling wannabe model to appearing on the James Corden show and probably getting a TV pilot out of all of this. She’s going to go from unknown hot girl on Instagram to hot girl who was handing out those FIJI’s at the Golden Globe awards.

I’m sure she’s been in Hollywood for a number of years now and she took that job with the Golden Globes handing out FIJI’s because she needed to pay her electric bill for the month. Now look at her. Getting blogs written about her by out of work schlubs like me.

There’s no way she saw this type of fame coming from a temp gig like that. It would be like me writing this blog and thinking that I’m going to get a full time job from some hotshot media company out of it. I’m looking by the way if anyone reading this is hiring. Must be nice to win the genetic lottery. Here’s hoping Kelleth (absurd name by the way) takes advantage of this.

You're A Battery Wasting Moron If You're Not Using Night Mode On Twitter At All Times

You're A Battery Wasting Moron If You're Not Using Night Mode On Twitter At All Times

I Started Moisturizing Consistently With Aveeno And Now The Skin Under My Eyes No Longer Looks Like A Ballsack

I Started Moisturizing Consistently With Aveeno And Now The Skin Under My Eyes No Longer Looks Like A Ballsack