Ladies And Gentleman - We've Found The Perfect Outfit
I’ll be honest with you - I was a Leno guy growing up. Something about that chin that just made me trust him. Had I known the backstory involving him, Letterman, and Johnny Carson I would have 1,000% been a Letterman loyalist because it sounds like he really got a raw deal re: NBC, but that is besides the point. What I want to talk about is the picture above. I don’t have the slightest clue where you come up with a fit like this but I am in love with it. I saw it while scrolling Instagram last Saturday and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
I never want to wear another outfit for the rest of my life. I can smell the swagger coming through my computer screen every time I pull it up. The intercom on the back wall, the stack of books that I guarantee Letterman puts there to impress chicks that he brings back to his place after a hard night of partying - it’s all stunning. The sad thing is there’s just no practical purpose for a fit of this magnitude. Letterman wears this out and he’s praised as a folk hero. This is legitimately an outfit that makes people gasp. You’ll have women and men alike coming up to shake your hand, buy you drinks, crank you off in the back corner of a laundromat. Let’s do a deep dive.
I HATE the look of new shoes. I’ve always been of the mindset that shoes are meant to be worn, so when I buy a pair of new sneakers I don’t buy cleaner or brushes to keep them looking spiffy. I love getting a few grass stains on my shoes. I enjoy stepping in a small puddle form time to time just to give my shoes an authentic look, and Letterman has done the same with these Adidas cross trainers. Man, if those shoes could talk...I’d pay money to hear some bar stories about D-Man carousing in Los Angeles.
This is really what I’m here for. Who does this? Who in their right mind looks at a pair of gym shorts and says “You know what? I’m gonna put some sweats on AND THEN put these shorts on over them” ??? This is galaxy level shit. I want so badly to pull this look off when it’s not 10 degrees outside. I’m thinking sometime in mid March I’m going to try this look out while day drinking and watching the first or second round of the NCAA tournament.
David Letterman spazzed. He’s a fucking madman. To pair sweatpants with a collared Ralph Lauren shirt is outrageous. The shirt is a cross between the classic polo and a button down. It looks like it might be a v-neck with a collar attached. Maybe it’s just a long sleeved polo. I don’t know exactly what
I just... I don’t want to be crass but I want to have sex with this outfit. Scratch that. I want to fuck this outfit. Just carnal, sweaty, weird sex. Maybe get some whips and chains involved.
The Perrier Bottle
You thought I forgot, didn’t you? The Perrier makes the outfit whole. Without it, yeah it’s still pretty fuckin’ great but it’s not at 100%. And this is why Perrier sits atop the food chain as far as sparkling waters go. Anything else is a pretender. The bottle is iconic. You don’t even need to see the label to know that the green bottle he’s holding is Perrier. Fuck off San Pellegrino. Kiss my ass La Croix. America is Perrier country, and yeah I know it’s technically a French company but I don’t care. Now if you’ll exuse me, I have to sneak off to the men’s to jerk off to this outfit. I’m rock hard right now.