A List Of Things That Are Hard This Spring
Spring is in the air. I could smell it yesterday when I was vacuuming my second story apartment with the windows open as rain pittered and pattered onto the sidewalk below me. This is a special time of year. It’s a time when hope and good cheer can be seen on people walking past you on the street or in the office. We’re thawing out from a long winter, and higher temperatures give way to a better attitude about life in general. But that doesn’t mean spring is some walk in the park, either. There are challenges. Here are the top five things that are really hard for me personally during this time of the year.
Resisting The Urge To Watch Masters Replays At Work
This might be a strictly me problem, but if I start watching old Tiger highlights at Augusta National too early in March the anticipation becomes too much for my simple mind to handle. I love The Masters. Who doesn’t love The Masters? That pervert Jim Nantz whispering sweet nothings in your ear is awesome. The visual shots of those azaleas in high definition is a thing of beauty. And talking yourself into Tiger winning the whole thing is a tradition unlike any other. I’m saving up my Masters replay watches for after my college basketball team gets eliminated from or wins the NCAA tournament.
Watching College Basketball
If you’re a fan of a team that regularly plays in the big dance, you already know how stressful it can be. It’s especially hard on the heart when your favorite team is a high seed and they’re playing some desperate 13 seed from the SWAC or some shit. Anyone can get hot in the NCAA Tournament, and no one is safe from the dreaded Cinderella Story. My advice you if you’re a fan of a team playing in the tourney is pretty simple - have a few Bud Lights during your game and try to remember that this isn’t life and death. None of this advice works, of course. The alcohol makes you more aggressive and reminding yourself that none of these games have a direct impact on your life will just make you more frustrated. Winning the tournament is hard.
Knowing What To Wear Outside
This is a problem for most everyone in this country right now. In the morning it’s 35 degrees and by lunchtime it’s 60 and you’re sweating your ass off in that sweater/corduroy combo you wore to work. The key is to layer, of course this is easier said than done. Getting dressed in the springtime is fucking hard. If you’re on the way to the bar, the choice to bring a jacket or to not bring one is massive. If you choose to bring it, you’re going to be carrying it around with you all night which is the fucking worst. If you don’t bring it and mother nature decides to hit you with a cold front you’re fucked as soon as you step foot outside of the bar where you were enjoying Bud Lights with friends and acquaintences.
I’m rock hard almost all of the time during the spring. I may even change my official season rankings because I’m feeling springtime so much right now. I’m usually in the camp that loves autumn, but spring is making a push for the top spot right now. I wake up every morning to sub 40 degree weather after a brutal winter here in Chicago and it feels downright balmy outside to me. My eyes see a rainy, cloudy Chicago, but it’s been so cold that my brain might as well be in Punta Cana. I’m liable to cream my jeans at any moment from an errant bump on the subway or on line at Sweetgreen. I’m loving springtime in Chicago and so is my erect penis.