The Cheez-It Extra Toasty Cracker Is The Best Snack On The Market Today
Your grocery list sitting peacefully inside of the notes app on your iphone has been completed. You’ve got the eggs, an avo, coffee, 1 lb. freshly sliced turkey, OJ, milk, a loaf of bread, and some bananas that are going to go bad before you eat a single one.
It is a real murderer’s row of essentials. The stuff that is going to get you through the rest of the week without having to Postmates an overpriced dinner on an idle Wednesday night. And as you walk towards the checkout aisle, back past the dairy aisle and away from the frozen food section you’ve just visited, you look down at your basket of goods, happy with your selections and at ease. But there’s something missing. Something crunchy. Something toasty. Perhaps even, dare I say, something extra toasty. Now is your chance.
The sign is there, amongst words like “chips” “snacks” and “dips.” You see the word “crackers” - probably in aisle 10 or 11, towards the back of the store, and see them sitting alone. A vast array of options lies in front of you. There are original cheez-its, cheez-it grooves, and white cheddar cheez-its. But what you’ve come for is a new invention. Something exciting. Something this country has been waiting for.
I’m talking of course about extra toasty cheez-its. They are the best snack ever invented, good with a turkey sandwich or as a stand alone while watching television. You can eat them on the bus and at work. While walking to work or in bed with a one night stand post-coitus. The extra toasty cheez-it is a revelation. They are the best flavor cheez-it ever invented - it even says so on the box - “#1 requested cheez-it flavor!”
I don’t know why these things are so much better than regular ass cheez-its, and I can tell you that it’s becoming increasingly more annoying to type the word “cheez-it” into my google doc, but I have to speak my truth.
This is the best snack cracker on the market today, a testament to technological advancement and companies like Kellogg that recognize that the consumer, the customer, is always right. I’m sure these extra toasty cheez-it’s were a massive hit when they tested them, and I’m sure Kellogg execs were reluctant to release such a flavor because it’s not like releasing a spicy cheez it or a white cheddar cheez it. An extra toasty cheez it was probably a bit of a gamble on Kellogg’s part because from the outside, if you haven’t had an extra toasty before, you probably look at that box and think - “what makes an extra toasty cheez it any different from a regular cheez it? I should just go with the tried and true original cheez it rather than spend four dollars on a box of crackers I’m not even sure I’m going to like.” I used to be this person. I’ve always been reluctant to try new cheez-it flavors because they’re a bit expensive and I’ve always just enjoyed the regular ones.
But props and credit to Kellogg. They took the risk. And credit to me as well for finally jumping headfirst into the unknown and buying a box of extra toastys. Because I’m hooked now. I can never go back to eating the original flavor cheez it. That’s how good the extra toasty’s are. It’s sex in a box, and they’re great after a long day of work with a turkey sandwich and a glass of cold milk, water, or lager. Give the extra toasty a chance to earn your business. You won’t be disappointed. Can you say “yummerz!”? Because that’s what you’re going to be saying once you try these motherfuckers.